Monday, August 22, 2005

Intelligent(?) Design

There’s been much talk in the media of late about something I find mind-bogglingly frustrating and strangely intriguing. It seems some people want to teach alternatives to the Theory of Evolution in school science classrooms. Only this time, it’s not Creationism. It’s Intelligent Design.

My issues with this run deep. I’d love to talk to someone who thinks they can persuade me that my great, great, great, great ---> infinity grandfather was not an extra in Planet of the Apes (yes, I know that monkees can't talk. But if Intelligent Design is true, maybe they really could at some point and now just have nothing to say). I think it would be an amusing conversation for the first few minutes. Then I’d probably get bored, revert to my primal instincts, beat my hands on my chest and club them over the head.

My first problem is this: The New Name. Wasn’t Creationism good enough? It’s a nice word. It’s concise, to the point, simple - if not to spell, to remember. Intelligent Design takes longer to type, speak, write, and in the age of abbreviating, one could easily mistake it for something else all together. Why risk the confusion? One minute your State Senator could be talking about Intelligent Design. The next thing you know, BAM, there’s a new design (drawn be the Senator’s brother no less) for your driver’s license.

My second problem: How can ID (oops, did I confuse you?) be called Science in any way, shape, or form? Doesn’t the mere possibility that it could be true basically negate all scientific fact as we currently know it? And if that is the case, shouldn’t School Boards across the country stop funding science programs altogether, since we’re all just wasting our time? And if that happens, shouldn’t the American people receive a tax refund from all the government agencies that purport to use this “science” – especially NASA, as the moon landings were probably faked?

Really, shouldn’t ID be taught in a philosophy class? Oh wait, most schools don’t have philosophy classes. Maybe our Creator (or is it Creators? Hmmmmm) shouldn’t have made Plato, Socrates, Aristotle, Descartes, Kant, Heidegger, Hume, and their brethren such pansy-asses. Then maybe philosophy would be taken more seriously. Maybe someone should change the name. Instead of Philosophy, it could be called Intelligent Thought.

Wait a second. They wouldn’t be able to teach Intelligent Design in an Intelligent Thought class. That would be the ultimate oxymoron.

However, my biggest problem, one that no Intelligent Design Theory can satisfactorily answer, is this:

If we were all designed by a higher intelligence, why, oh why, are there so many stupid people in the world?

Check this out for a much more intelligent and witty argument. ARRRG.