I took the first piece of Sam's childhood innocence tonight. And in doing so I tore out a piece of my soul. Watching my son's head drop to my chest in sorrow and tears when I told him what I'd done nearly broke me.
When he finished, in front of my eyes he put up his first defenses against this all-too-often, piece of shit world we live in.
"It's okay for you to be sad about this, Sam. It's important to you."
"No Daddy, it's just a blanket. It's not important."
Now I'm drinking my mistake away, intermittently sobbing, and listening to this on repeat:
If I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat