Thursday, April 19, 2007
Man Loses Hand to Hungry Croc
In a stunning yet macabre turn of events, a man had his hand and forearm removed by a crocodile. The victim, one James C. Hook, a sea captain of somewhat dubious distinction, was rushed to the Neverland Memorial Hospital via pixiedust transport.
Witnesses reported the captain as coherent and confrontational when removed from the scene, shouting expletives at his caregivers including the following:
“Think of what? F**k you and your happy thoughts! I’m missing my bloody hand.”
Unnamed sources within the police department have confirmed Mr. Hook is currently under investigation for kidnapping, masterminding a terrorist bomb plot, and piracy. The cause of today’s altercation remains unclear. The police are not releasing any information at this time due to the possible involvement of a group of minors.