Thursday, May 12, 2005

Disillusionment, Pain, Confusion

I just read that Sesame Street has decided that Cookie Monster will start eating healthier foods and fewer cookies.


Cookie Monster? Eating fruits and vegetables?

What planet do we live on? In whose world does a monster eat healthy foods?

If the Children’s Television Workshop wants to address childhood obesity, why don’t they create a new muppet. His name could be Rolly, as in Rolly Polly. He could eat Lunchables, Frozen Pizza Bagels, all the chemical crap that’s foisted on kids as being cool and delicious. He could drink Pepsi and 10% fruit juices. He could snack on Little Debbie pies and Hostess cakes. He would be inside all the time, watching television. That’s ironic. Let’s teach kids they need to lead healthier lives by watching a television show.

Rolly could be . . . gasp . . . fat.

Rolly would be the muppet that no one chooses when they are picking teams for kickball. He would be the one that all the girls snicker at when he waddles around the corner. If he wears clothes, he could get wedgies from Oscar the Grouch. The Count could keep track of his weight each week, adding a few new numbers every time. Big Bird could ask him innocent but psychologically damaging questions like, “Why is your shirt so tight?” or “How come you can’t run as fast as Grover?”

But don’t pick on Cookie Monster. Leave him alone. He’s a monster. And monsters are supposed to lead such interesting lives . . .