This is, perhaps, the most excellent article to come across my computer screen in many, many months. It seems that some scientists across the pond, funded by Bausch & Lomb, has actually developed a formula to calculate the severity of the effects of the dreaded “beer goggles”. Only in England would there be someone who could manage to be paid for this sort of research.
Now, for my friend Ryan, this would have been a really handy thing to have scribbled on a piece of paper and held snugly in his wallet right next to the requisite condom. Instead, poor Ryan experienced more than once what he so appropriately termed “The Big, Inflated Hand of Sobriety” slapping him across the face the next morning.
So, in honor of Ryan and of Jack, who might have beer goggled, but always managed to end up with a babe, I offer the equation to anyone who might still need it. Or to anyone who just wants to relive his glory days.
An - number of alcoholic units consumed
S - smokiness of the room, graded on a scale of 1-10
L - luminance of the person of interest, from 1 (pitch black) - 150 (normal room)
Vo - Snellen visual acuity, 6/6 - normal acuity, 6/12 - just over standard to drive
d - distance from person, in meters, from .5 - 3