Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Who's in Charge Here?

I just celebrated my one year anniversary with my current employer. Actually, I completely forgot, but they did not. I received a very nice, but God awful useless, sterling silver key chain with the company logo. It’s nice to be appreciated. It also got me thinking. Try to stay with me here.

I’ve had some additional thoughts on the Intelligent Design issue.

If everything on earth is God’s handiwork, then he really is the worst kind of micromanager. I don’t want to believe that.

Let’s assume that God exists. Can’t prove it. Can’t disprove it. Doesn’t hurt to think that there is an all powerful deity with a corner office somewhere out there in the cosmos.

Now, THE UNIVERSE is a pretty big place. It probably isn’t a privately held company. I’d be willing to bet that The Universe incorporated years ago. In a business model, God would be the CEO.

That would make God accountable to the Board of Directors of THE UNIVERSE, INC.

Who makes up this Board? What are their terms of office? And for that matter, would we, as residents of THE EARTH, be considered stockholders or employees of the corporation? Let’s assume employees. I know I’ve never received any dividends or letters of proxy.

I think that everyone would agree that THE EARTH is a dangerous place. Humanity is continually trying to destroy itself. Throw in a bitchy Mother Nature with her tsunamis, earthquakes, and hurricanes, and you have what any businessman would call a High Risk Venture.

So now, the main question is this:

Would God, the CEO of THE UNIVERSE, INC., take a hands-on approach to the creation and management of THE EARTH?

I think not.

God, being the smart CEO we all know he is, would most likely have handed the project off to a Vice President for Strategic Development of THE UNIVERSE, INC. This would, of course, limit God’s liability to the Board of Directors of THE UNIVERSE, INC.

In turn the VP, not wanting to be immersed in a corporate scandal should anything go wrong, probably had Accounting form a shell corporation called THE EARTH, INC., and promoted some hot-shot middle manager to oversee the whole thing.

The middle manager, wanting to spread the wealth, brings over some of his buddies, who might be great guys to go drinking with, but who really aren’t suited for managing an entire planet. This would explain famine, disease, suffering, and stupidity – corporate cronyism at its worst.

Don’t you think this theory of Intelligent Design just fits together a little more soundly than God Himself creating THE EARTH, INC?

If we make it to another millennium without folding, do we all get silver key chains?