He Crawled Through a River of S**t and Came Out Clean on the Other End

"Mommy, Aidan threw a car into the toilet!"

"What?!?! Aidan, did you do that?"

(Head down) "Yes, Mommy."

"Have you been told before not to put things in the toilet?"

(Head still down) "Yes, Mommy."

"He flushed it too, Mommy." (Nothing like an older brother to throw you under the bus and then back up over you to make sure the job is finished.)

"Aidan, did you flush the car?"

No answer.

"Aidan, answer me right now."

(Head down) "Yes, Mommy."

"Did it go all the way down?"

"No."

"Well we're going to go get it."

"You can't, Mommy."

"Why?"

"Because Noah is poopin'."

I'm surprised at this point that Leah didn't lock him in the basement. But the mother of three boys, put on her rubber gloves, grabbed the plunger, and went to work. When said vehicle was extracted from the depths, Leah told Aidan to go get his money. They were going to the store and Aidan was going to buy her a new pair of gloves. When they found them, Aidan was crushed.

"Mommy, they cost $2 and I only have $1."

Leah paid for the gloves and told Aidan he could pay her back when he got his allowance at the end of the week.

We all had a good laugh about this at the family dinner hours later that evening. The boys had finished at were scattered about the house, doing as much as possible before bed time. Sam was building train tracks & Lincoln log stations. Noah was building Lego spaceships. Aidan was in his room being very quiet. A few minutes later, Aidan came out to the dining room and put something in Leah's hand.

It was another dollar.

I Love It When a Plan Comes Together

Leah and I have been talking about this for a month now, but neither of us has bothered to write it down. And it needs to be written down. For all to see and take note of.

April Fools Day was pretty uneventful in our household. There were no earth-shattering pranks anywhere to be seen. There were however, three little boys who thought the prospect of fooling people for an entire day was just delightful.

But was one day really good enough? Absolutely not.

I have heard, “Ha Ha! Daddy, I April Fooled you!” at least once per day for what constituted the bulk of the month of April. Every joke is painful. Every joke is one that provides blissful glee for the little monster that propagated it.

But one stands above all the rest.

One of my children, on actual April Fools Day, decided that he was going to play an April Fools joke on everyone. That morning, before we left for school, Aidan somehow managed to sneak his slippers into his schoolbag without Leah or me seeing him. He stayed silent about this for the entire car ride to school. Upon reaching said institution, he put away his coat and lunchbox, and smoothly took off his shoes, replacing them with two soft, plushy faces of Lightning McQueen.

He got caught by his teacher as soon as he walked into the classroom. But get this: she was so impressed by the fact that one: he thought of an April Fools joke, and two: he carried it out successfully, that she let him keep the slippers on all day.

When Leah picked him up from school, it was the first time either of us had any inkling of what he had done. When she asked him where he got the idea from, he said, “I thought it myself, Mommy!,” with a beaming, victorious smile.

While Sam thinks up grandiose schemes and Noah is completely fearless, Aidan is fast becoming a scary combination of both.

P.S. Puppy pictures coming soon!

My Future Hostage Negotiator

I have too many meetings this week. And I'm not even talking about work. I came home Monday and sulked to Leah so much that we decided to go out for a nice dinner with the boys. After hemming and hawing about where to go, the restaurant we chose was closed. Of course, we didn't know that until we arrived at the doorstep. So it was off to Applebee's we went.

Actually, Applebee's was pretty darn good. They have a great WeightWatchers menu and also a really good kids menu. It was clean and the service was friendly and prompt. They did screw up the order, though Aidan did not get too upset about it.

He got french fries instead of broccoli.

As he happily munched away on his fries (Daddy, my chicken is too hot - yeah, right), we all looked on, green with jealousy. When it just became too much to bear, Noah asked for some fries.

"Nope."
"Aidan, give you brother some french fries."
"Ok, he can have four."

A couple minutes later, it became too much for me as well. I reached over into Aidan's basket to grab a fry. He pushed my hand away.

"Aidan, may I have a french fry?"
"Nope."
"Aidan, I would like you to share your fries with me."
"Nope."

At this point Leah's mouth dropped to the table.

"Aidan, give me a fry."
"No Daddy."
"Aidan, I'm paying for those fries, and I will have one."

[pause . . .]

"Okay, Daddy. But no ketchup."

BufBloPoFo Day 5 - Boy #3

The other day, Pop Wilks came over to watch the boys for half an hour while Leah and I took the car in to the shop to be serviced. We arrived home, and Leah turned around and drove off to a meeting. My father scooted out the door quickly too.

I walked into the living room to see Gramma Julia's puppet theater in full dinner production. Apparently, Noah had gone first, Sam second, and now it was Aidan's turn. The problem was that the puppet theater kept falling over. Poor Aidan had straightened out the wing walls, and it had lost its stability. Making matters worse was the laughter of both Sam and Noah every time it happened.

Aidan is our sweet little boy. But like most sweet little boys, when pushed hard enough, they go from 0 to $#%@#$^%@%#^$%^ in less time than it takes to flip a light switch. Well, the puppet theater toppled over one last time.

Noah laughed.

Sam laughed.

Aidan did not laugh.

But neither did he cry or throw a fit. Instead, he calmly stood up from his spot on the rug, walked over to the couch where Sam was sitting and belly laughing at him, and

Ok, I have to tell you, at this point I swear to God on High that everything went into super slow motion.

Aidan drew back his left arm, made a fist, and laid three haymakers into Sammy's head.

I had no idea what to do. Poor Sam couldn't process what had just happened. His face just collapsed into hubba-hubba crying. And Aidan simply stood in front of him looking very satisfied with himself.

With Aidan thoroughly ensconced in the corner, ears ringing from the scolding, I calmed Sam down and said to him, "Sammy, the next time someone tries to hit you, get out of the way."

And Mommy was not informed until the following day.



They are going to break every bone in each other's bodies.